Every publication has its own editorial standards, and, by design, The Classic W’s are somewhat unique. For example, we’re proud of the fact that we publish articles on things you already knew. Also, our “Word War” analyses have yielded puzzling questions about verbiage used in books and Google searches, questions that we’re confident have furrowed their share of brows. And our ice cream reviews have – even putting aside their substantial literary value – brought sugar rushes to our editorial staff.

Still, there are some things we intend never to publish, and a list of those headlines includes:

  • Shrimp, Doritos and Fentanyl: An Overnight Stew to Die For
  • Of Mice and Men (Taylor’s version)
  • Seven People who Run Faster than Ichiro
  • Video: A Las Vegas Traffic Jam
  • What to Expect When You’re Expecting Shingles
  • Peter Pettigrew and his Minions
  • A Non-Illustrated Guide to Origami
  • “Gezundheit,” “God Bless You” and other appropriate responses when someone expels bodily fluids
  • Ep Icurus, Ep Ictetus, Et Al.
  • The Pigeon was a Spy
  • A Pauper’s Guide to the Waldorf-Astoria

If any of these articles does, in fact, tickle your fancy, the bad news is we don’t intend to write it. But the good news is that you can! We love healthy competition and invite you to start your own magazine, in which you can explore these topics you’re, apparently, so passionate about.